Where you are right now is your comfort zone.  If you want your business to change for the better then you need to get outside of where you are right now.

You have to go outside of your comfort zone to grow your business.

You have to go outside of your comfort zone to effectively market your business.

You have to go outside of your comfort zone to implement effective systems that will make your business run smoothly.

You have to go outside of your comfort zone to instil powerful habits that will bring positive change to your business.

Where you are right now is your comfort zone.  In the past you went outside of your comfort zone.  It worked!  You grew!  Your business is better for it.  However, right now you are operating in your comfort zone.  If you want to grow again you need (again) to move outside of your comfort zone.

Do something today that is outside of your comfort zone.  Your business will thank you.

“The inward work, however, consists in his turning the man he is, and the self he feels himself and perpetually finds himself to be, into the raw material of a training and shaping whose end is mastery. In it, the artist and the human being meet in something higher.” (Eugen Herrigel, Zen In The Art of Archery)

Our world is driven by results and external rewards.  Much of what we do is based on what we hope to receive for performing a given action.  Many students use earning potential as a focal point of career planing, not the simple premise of what it is that they like doing. Many people would walk away from their jobs today, without hesitation, if they had an alternative way of making the same amount of money that they are currently earning.

Incentives form the basis of the “rational man” (or women) – that mythical creature perfectly in tune with the costs and benefits of every action, and who acts fully in line with his (or her) rational best interest.  I don’t believe that person exists.  In fact I believe in the “predictable irrationality” model articulated by Dan Ariely.

Regardless of our propensity to make mistakes in rational judgment, in my life I have found that when I am detached from the results, and most importantly the rewards or punishments, of a given action, my performance improves.  It is uncanny.  When I lose myself in the moment, when all my energy and focus is solely on performing a task to perfection, only for the sake of performing the task, I get the best results.

When I enter into that state of perfect concentration on the matter at hand, when all other cares of the world cease, including the consequence of not performing the task correctly, I get the best results.  When I desire to perform a task, not because of what I might gain (external reward) or because someone or something is pressuring or compelling me to perform it (external stimulus), when the task is its own reward, I always get the best results.

When I detach, and immerse myself in the moment, in the actual performance of the task, my abilities increase, I see the task with clarity.  My focus is refined, my drive strengthened, my energy abundant.

In this way, I am constantly conditioning myself to detach from external rewards or stimulus.  I am detaching from the reward I might receive (by succeeding in the task) or the punishment or negative consequences that may result (by failing in the task).

As a college basketball player if I focused on the potential praise and sense of self-satisfaction I would have if I scored the game winning shot, or the letdown, and sense of disappointment I would feel, if I missed it, I would be much more likely to miss the shot. If I just lost myself in the moment, and performed the act in a way I had a thousand times before I would be much more likely to score.

In school when I was thinking about the grade I needed to secure a scholarship, I would absolutely perform less successfully then when I simply detached from the result, and allowed my mind to focus with clarity specifically on the test itself – for no other reward than the performance of the exam.  Giving my best in the moment.

As an entrepreneur I am most creative, influential, and effective when I am performing a task for the sake of the task itself, not because of the money I will earn.  I perform best when I am not thinking about the potential rewards of my business growing or the negative consequences (like having to go back to my old job) of stagnation. For each and every task involved in building and marketing a business, when my sole focus is on performing a certain task, and when the task is performed to its completion before moving to a new one, just for the sake of perfecting the task itself, I always get the best results.

Focusing on external rewards leaves you never fully satisfied, always hoping for more, and never mastering your art.

Focusing on external punishments leaves you anxiety ridden, full of fear, never evoking the creative genius inside of you.

Learn to detach.  Focus your art.  Refine your craft.  Pursue your mastery.

The art of lifestyle design is the art of figuring out what your unique value proposition is to the world. That is, what unique value, as an individual, can you provide to the world in a way that is both personal satisfying and economically viable? To understand your unique value proposition you must first determine what it is that you value as an individual. What are your core values that motivate you most to action? It is important when assessing your core values that the “universal” value trap doesn’t catch you. The “universal” value trap is the fact that there are certain values that are universal, in that everyone values them. If the values that you identify as your core values are “universal” values then you will have a difficult time coming up with a unique value proposition that will provide for your personal satisfaction and economic viability. The primary “universal” values are security (safety) and social acceptance (love). When I discovered this I realized that just about all of the “career” driven decisions that I had previously made in the past, going to law school, pursuing a career with a large law firm, were motivated by my underlying desire to obtain security and social acceptance.

I was seeking my social reference group’s approval and admiration, and becoming a successful attorney would place me in their highest esteem. My social reference group also told me that the path that I was pursuing was the safest (economically speaking), so I had the added reinforcement of this “universal” value being met. When I was in law school the subconscious motivation of having the admiration of my professors and the notoriety of my fellow students made the big firm option most appealing. Also, I was very aware of the earning discrepancy between big firm lawyers and those who pursued alternative career paths.

Making decisions based on “universal” values did not bring me to a place of emotional fulfillment. The reason is that these values were not unique to me. I did not uniquely embrace them. They didn’t make me uniquely passionate. Pretty much everyone values being economically secure and socially accepted. When we are honest with ourselves we can see that much of our habitual behavior is influenced by these universal values. These values didn’t create that “extra” push that is needed to make something great.  They didn’t create that drive to pursue mastery of a subject matter.  With the great excess of choice and information that is available in our world today you have to put forth a unique proposition of value to stand out from the crowd. You will never be able to do this by relying solely on universal values as your underlying motivation.

After I left the practice of law one of the first things that I did was analyze myself, and determine what values were unique to me. I wanted to gain clarity and certainty on the things that were unique to me. I saw my life as a clean slate, a way to rebuild where I didn’t need to play the game that had brought me unhappiness. I knew that if I could tap into my own unique voice then I would have the best chance of creating a proposition to the world that was worthwhile. The first step in determining my core values was to ask myself the question, “At what times in my life have I been the most happy, content and fulfilled”.

The honest answer to this question was not what you would ordinarily think. It was not the vacations or moments of entertainment or indulgence that I had experienced up until that point in my life. Having made a decent income for a number of years prior to my departure from law I had begun to experience the “nicer things” of the world – good vacations, nice cars, nice clothes. These things did not come to mind when I honestly answered this self-directed question. Here is what I came up with (not in any particular order):

1. I was most fulfilled when I felt absolute freedom to pursue any path I chose. When I was unconstrained by social pressure or feelings of expectation to act in a certain way.

2. I was most fulfilled when I was contributing in a real way to others. Adding real value to their life, helping them grow and finding happiness, without any expectation of reward or compensation.

3. I was most fulfilled when I was communicating with others. Either through writing or public speaking.

4. I was most fulfilled when I felt that my life had an element of adventure or risk in it. The times of uncertainty in my life were actually some of the most fulfilling for me;

5. I was most fulfilled when I was spending time with my family and developing my personal spirituality;

6. I was most fulfilled when I was continually exercising my body and living as healthy as possible;

7. I was most fulfilled when I was learning new things, reading new books and ideas and continually educating myself; and

8. I was most fulfilled when I was pouring my whole heart and soul into my work.

After I comprised this list I could see so clearly why I was terribly unhappy in law. Not only were most of my core values not being met, but in some cases my career was actively fighting them. My career had placed my unique values in direct opposition to the universal values of security and social acceptance. The most revealing example is found when looking at my value of freedom. Lawyers bill by the hour, time equates to money, and there are no means of being rewarded for adding value through efficiency, innovation and creativity; therefore I never truly felt free. If I wanted to increase my financial stability (universal value of security) then I needed to spend more time at the firm on billable matters. If I wanted to gain the respect and commendation of the firm partners (universal value of social acceptance) then I needed to spend more time adding law firm social events and networking engagements. I had to make myself known as a team player, someone who would forgo my own personal plans for the needs of the firm. All of these were assaults on my freedom.

I remember once having a conversation with a senior partner at my firm when it was time for associate review. I had not received the same level of bonus as other associates, so I asked whether my work was the same quality. The partner answered that it was, in fact it was better than many. So I audaciously asked why I wasn’t being compensated for it. He said that the other lawyers had billed more hours. I told him that I intentionally try to work as fast and efficiently as possible so that I can get home to my family. Only after doing this value analysis did I fully realize that my unique values of freedom and family time were being full-court pressed by the universal value of security (which was being met by my job as a lawyer).

The assault on my time was ever present by the prisoner bracelet that commonly identified itself as a blackberry. The unspoken mandate of being available at all times, whenever necessary, was suffocating to me, and a real contributor to a great sense of despair in my life. I recall one time getting home from a long week. It was Friday night and I returned home at about 7 pm. I had no established work responsibilities over the weekend so I took the bold step of literally turning my nemesis off. I spent some much needed time with my children and wife and left it off for the remainder of the night. When I turned it back on Saturday, later in the morning, it immediately lit up with multiple messages from firm partners requiring my urgent action on a hostile takeover. Even before I could read the messages, the red flashing light on the blackberry triggered a Pavlovian rush of anxiety throughout my body. I knew exactly what the messages would say before I even read them.

Not only did my time in big law encroach my freedom and alienate me from my family, it also created a dis-empowering environment for my other unique values. I rarely had the flexibility to maintain a consistent exercise regime. My diet was frequently met with fast food and other high caloric, and convenient, options as a result of working through lunch and dinners at the office. There was very little sense of adventure in wading through stacks of contracts or drafting long information circulars, and it was impossible to pursue writing and public speaking opportunities at the time, other than engagements in areas that the firm wished to have a profile in (which areas didn’t interest me). Most importantly I never felt motivated to pour my whole soul into my work.

If I had performed a unique value analysis as a much younger man, and if I would have had the maturity and foresight to not over-embrace the universal values of security and social acceptance, I would have made much different career decisions. I believe that I would have arrived at the place that I am now, but much earlier. After performing this analysis I knew that I needed to spend the rest of my life in these forums: entrepreneurship and writing and public speaking. I knew this because these areas facilitated most my core values.

Right now my wife and I run a direct sales business that is engaging, exciting and provides a real value to others. I also write and speak. I significantly use the internet to facilitate both ventures. All of these activities are aligned with my core values of freedom, adventure, contribution, communication, and education. Because I am my own boss, and can determine my own hours, I have the ability to pursue physical fitness, family and spiritual goals as well. All of this contributes to a much greater sense of well-being and fulfillment. The path that I have chosen in my life is conventionally much riskier, in the eyes of many people; however, since my core values are being met I am tapping into my unique value proposition. Further, since the path is one that I have independently chosen, I desire to master the subject matter. This desire for mastery makes the intrinsic value of performing my work much more valuable than the external rewards of success. I believe myself to be on a much safer long term path, one that more than anything else, will help to provide long term economic security and personal fulfillment, but most importantly, one that will provide emotional engagement, since I am embracing the struggle. I am pursuing mastery of the subject matter.

Fear is an every present part of our world. It has been conditioned in us since we were kids. In grade school, we learned to fear giving the wrong answer, fear the bad marks, fear not getting into the right program or right school, fear taking a position that was contrary to our teacher’s. As we grew older we started to fear not being able to make a good living and support our family. We fear not saving enough for retirement. We fear not being able to help our kids with university. We fear losing our jobs, we fear, we fear, we fear.

Many people would love a career change, a move, a new path in life, but they don’t take action because they fear. They fear failing. They fear criticism. The media knows that fear is big business. We rarely hear about inspirational stories on the news (even though these stories occur every day). We hear about the disasters, the business failures, the scandals. Marketers know that fear sells. They use pain as a motivator – in that if you don’t purchase their product, or use their service then “this” may happen to you. We then gladly part with our hard earned dollars because we don’t want “this” to happen (even though the probability of it actually occurring is quite remote in many cases). We are addicted to fear as a culture. As a result many of us live in fear. It has become part of our social conditioning.

Despite being the most technologically proficient species it is remarkable how often we make decisions that are routed in fear. We analyze possible risk as probable, even likely, then we make irrational judgments based on emotions, social conditioning and group influence. As a result we experience a form of self-proscribed paralysis. I believe that it is possible to get to the point where fear doesn’t pervade all of our decisions, however we were socially conditioned to overemphasize risk and cling to safety, and as a result, a re-conditioning must take place to come to terms with fear.

The following method is perhaps one of the simplest, and most practical, that I have come across to help deal with fear. I call it the survive-thrive technique.

First, ask this self-directed question: “What is the worst thing that can possibly happen in the situation”. Often the absolute worst thing that you can think of has basically no chance of manifesting itself. For example, very few people die or lose loved ones by change careers. Usually the very worst-case scenario is simply failure in a desired new venture. Failure will then trigger a chain of events that are possible, for example having to go back to your old employer and ask for your old job back. If the job isn’t available (which it often isn’t) then it may be necessary to get a different job, maybe even a step down in income, or dip into some savings, or sell the boat. Usually this is the absolutely worst-case scenario. In all likelihood the worst case scenario won’t happen, but we’ll run with it for a moment.

The next step is to ask the follow up question: “Can I handle it?” Your response may surprise you. At first you may think that a career setback or a “visible failure” where you are the subject of criticism would be the worst thing in your life, but when you really take time to synthesize this prospect you realize that you have the inner fortitude to handle it. Not only do you have the ability to handle it, but the more you look at it from this angle the more you realize how silly this little fear was in the first place, and you feel foolish that you allowed yourself to spend so much time worrying over something that clearly you had the emotional ability to handle.

This analysis can have a powerful effect on us, because we actually realize our own inner strength instead of being hypnotized by the pervading culture of fear that surrounds us. We realize that we are actually brave. We realize that we have the inner strength to deal with failure or setback. If we experience a setback or a disappointment we will just look for an alternate route to our destination. It is like a feedback mechanism, and it is characteristic of being in a state of flow. We become much more likely at this point to identify the values that are most important to us and then make changes, even if those changes are scary, difficult or challenging.

Now we have momentum in dealing with our fear. Now we are stating to feel brave, even powerful. So then we take the analysis one step further. We ask ourselves this powerful question: What is the best possible thing that could happen in this instance? It is necessary at this step to use the neglected muscle of our imagination to visualize the fulfillment of the best-case scenario. Even better is to experience this visualization by asking yourself these questions: “How would I feel If this took place” and “What does this mean to me?”. This exercise induces a compelling emotional state and excites you to take action. You start to experience again the pull power of a crystal clear and compelling objective.

Other ways to come to terms with disempowering fear is to visualize a situation in your life where you successfully conquered a fear or learned a new skill. If you can recall this experience vividly then you can induce an emotional state similar to how you felt in the original instance. Once this emotional state is induced then you simply remind yourself that this new challenge is the same as the previous one that you successfully navigated. Just like the previous experience, you just need to learn a new skill set in order to be successful in this new endeavour.

We must never forget that fear is the companion to growth. We cannot grow unless we learn. We can only learn when we encounter, for the first time, something that was previously unfamiliar. The correct path is not to try to eliminate fear entirely. Fear is an emotional response giving a signal that you are in unfamiliar territory. The path is then to take action to navigate the unfamiliar territory. Educate yourself as to the rules of this new territory. The problem is never the fear itself; it is how you hold the fear. If you hold fear as inhibitive then you will feel helplessness, depression and paralysis. When you hold fear as simply an emotional signal it results in action, education, energy and empowering choices.

Routines are powerful. Habits control most of our life, whether we like it or not. Most of what we do is automatic. If you tracked your behaviour for a week you would realize this to be true.

As a result, one of the ways to take control of your life is to take control of your habits. Make your habits work for you, don’t work for your negative habits, but rather establish positive ones. This doesn’t just apply to your personal life. Habits control your business, and physical health as well.

Every once in a while however it is meaningful to break routine – to do something unexpected, unplanned, spontaneous, just because.

I’m not just talking about your personal life and the way that you entertain yourself. I’m talking about your goals, your dreams, your business, your physical health.

Take a look at your goals. It is likely (if you are actually taking action beyond just wishing and hoping that your life will change) that you have established a fairly well worn pattern of routine about what you are doing to achieve a particular goal.

This is a good thing, because as noted, habits control your life, and if you can establish good habits relating to your business or career activity, you have a better chance of achieving your goal.

Here are the reasons breaking routine every once in a while is a good idea:

• It keeps you fresh, creates variety and leads to a better overall experience. Doing something new and unexpected is like an adventure. You aren’t sure what you will get (since you probably haven’t done it before). This is fun;
• A better overall experience will lead to more engagement and fulfillment in your life (so that your life doesn’t become only results or rewards based). There are psychological studies that suggest that solely focusing on the external rewards of a behaviour can actually decrease over time the intrinsic motivation to pursue that behaviour. By breaking routine you can enjoy the process of achievement, not just the result, this is very important; and
• It gives you a view from 30,000 feet for a moment as to whether your routines are actually effective. Sometimes we get stuck in a hypnotic trap of thinking that what we are doing is effectively moving us closer to our goals when in reality it is just a non-effective behaviour that we have cemented into a habit. We think that we are taking effective action, but in many cases we aren’t. Breaking routine can help you to introspect and look back at your habits and see if they are effective or not.

What are some examples:

• Do something today in your business that you have never done before but that you have heard other people try;
• Change up your work-out routine just for the day. Try a new exercise. See if you like it; and
• Do something totally unexpected with your family today, or with your partner. This will engage excitement and fun and make life less of a grind.

Do something that scares you today!

Why? Because the more that you do this, the less you will be scared.

Fear is nothing but a conditioned response to a stimulus.  It is an emotion that can be controlled.

You only gain courage however by doing courageous things. You don’t gain courage by reading about courage. You don’t gain courage by watching other people exhibit courage (although this may inspire you to action ). You gain courage by doing things that require courage. Courage is something that must be acquired on your own, by yourself, and no one else.

It is obtained by exhibiting courage in a situation where courage is required.

At first this will be very hard, but the more and more you do it the easier it will become.

Why is this necessary? Because you need courage to live a meaningful life.

You won’t find true fulfillment without getting outside of your comfort zone.

You will not be able to build a business into something special unless you expand your circle of influence beyond those who you presently know.

You will not be able to grow your business rapidly, unless you learn new skills, take risks and make yourself comfortable with the prospect of coming up short from time to time.

You will not be able to grow your business into something special unless you master the art of persistence.

In order to do this you will need courage. The first step in obtaining it is to start doing things that scare you!

So do something today!

You cannot manage or improve something until you measure it!

If you are approaching the end of a goal period then it is time to evaluate and measure.

Remember – there is so such thing as failure, there are only results. So if you overshot (or undershot) your initial goal, take some time and measure how you did.

Here are some questions that you should ask yourself:

• What actions were effective during this goal period (I should do more of these for my next goal)?
• What actions were ineffective during this goal period (I should do less of these next time)?
• What actions didn’t I take at all that I should try for the next goal period?
• How did I learn during this goal period?
• What do I still need to learn in order to reach my new goal?
• How do my beliefs need to change in order to reach my new goal?

What can I do today to take a small step toward my goal.

All achievers measure. Top athletes measure their performance. Companies measure their profits and other statistics quarter to quarter. We have to do the same.

We have to run our lives as if we were an olympic athlete or a Fortune 500 company. Otherwise we are just passive observers in life, and being passive doesn’t lead to fulfillment.

Here is how it works:

1. Set a goal.

2. Know exactly why you want this goal.

3. Believe, with absolute certainty, that you can achieve it.

4. Set a time frame for its completion.

5. Take massive action during this time frame. Track your progress. Take 100% responsibility (no complaining or blaming). Give everything that you have.

6. At end of the time frame measure and evaluate, regardless of whether you achieved your goal. Learn from the process.

7. Then set a new goal with a new time frame for completion.

Repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat until you get what you want.

We need to be deliberate with our lives. We need to know exactly what we want. Go after it with everything we have. Track our progress and measure results, and then persist until we get it.

Think of your ultimate goal right now.

What is it?

I mean the absolute, ultimate goal. Do you even have one? Is it clear? Is it compelling?

If you have one then you have probably encountered this: when we dream big, it is common for this question to set in, “Can I do it?”

If you dare to dream big (which many people don’t), it is natural for that small seed of doubt to creep in – is it possible you may say? Can I do it?

If you answer that question, even in the slightest way, with the word no, or “I’m not sure”, you lose momentum. It happens subtly but quickly, and its consequences are real.

Whether you believe you can or you can’t – you are right!

The entire exercise changes when you add just one word: How

When you change the question “Can I do it” to “How can I do it” magic happens.

Magic happens because you are forced to exercise that often neglected muscle – your brain. You are forced to visualize. You cannot answer the question of “How can I do it” without seeing yourself doing it. It also forces you to have to see the path to the accomplishment.

The word “How” empowers you. The word “How” makes you think of the ways that you can take action. It directs your focus, away from doubt, and towards self-reliance.

The word “How” assumes there is a way, you just need to find it.

The word “How” changes your thinking. The word “How” changes you.

Sharon Wood, the first North American woman to climb Mount Everest, described her experience, “I discovered it wasn’t a matter of physical strength, but a matter of psychological strength. The conquest lay within my own mind to penetrate those barriers of self-imposed limitations and get to the good stuff—the stuff called potential, 90 percent of which we barely use.”

When you embrace the word “How” you start to tap into that 90 percent!

Want to know the key turning point in my life? It was the moment that I decided that I would own it.

Own what? Own my life.

Own everything that happened to me.

Own my choices.

Own my happiness.

Own my life.

Well that is kind of silly isn’t it you may say? Don’t we all own our life?

Yes we do, but many of us are hypnotized to think that other things are responsible for whether or not we succeed or fail, whether or not we are happy or dissatisfied, whether or not we get what we want or we don’t.

You see my life, my attitude, and my happiness, completely changed when I rejected that belief. When I accepted 100% responsibility for myself and my life, for my goals and my business, for what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be.

What does owning it mean?

It means that you aren’t allowed to blame anyone or anything if life doesn’t go the way that you want it to, if you don’t get what you want exactly when you want it. You are responsible for everything that happens to you, so if you don’t get what you want when you want it then YOU need to change. You can’t worry about, or blame, anyone or anything else.

It means that you can’t complain. Complaining does absolutely nothing to move you forward to what you want. If you complain then you aren’t owning it. You are suggesting that there is a factor outside of your control that determines your fate. If you own it then you believe that fate is in your hands, you control what you will be and what you will do.

It means that if your business isn’t going exactly the way you want then you absolutely cannot point to the economy, the government, the customers – see that is blaming.  You have to look inward.  There are many examples, too many to list, of companies that were STARTED in an economic depression.

We got into direct sales in the fall of 2009, right in the middle of an economic collapse!  Right at a time where people said that it was “risky” to start a business.  We ignored them.  Look at where we are now!

Do not let the TV or the talking heads tell you what you can or cannot do, what is safe or risky. They are sitting in a studio! Most of them have never even had a business! What do they know. Don’t let a politician tell you what your fate is. You determine your fate. No one else. Don’t trust that anyone has your best interest in mind.

You have to own it! You have to do it yourself.

There will be many people who will say, “well objectively that isn’t true, people are born with disadvantages, you don’t do everything yourself”.

But yet there are many people, too many to mention, who are born with disadvantages who own their life and then do tremendous things. They are able to rise above because they refuse to play victim. They refuse to sit back and act like someone owes them something because of where they were born. They own it.

I want to own it. I will live with that belief. I will take full responsibility. It is the most empowering mental state that I have ever encountered. When I own it I feel like fate is in my power. This gives me hope, this gives me motivation. When I play victim I get discouraged because then I believe that “I am powerless to change it anyway”. So I choose to own it instead.

We are all the same. We all breathe. We all have 24 hours in the day.

It is easy to find excuses in life though. It is easy to play the victim. It is easy to say – I don’t have this advantage, that person was born into a better circumstance, etc.

But in the direct sales business excuses don’t work. It doesn’t matter what your education is, where you grew up, where you live now. It doesn’t matter your ethnicity, or social community. Everyone one is exactly the same. Everyone has the same ability to build this business. Direct sales is the great equalizer.

So what makes the difference in our business? What allows some people to thrive and succeed.

Simple – all we are, and all we have, is just an accumulation of the choices that we make, each and every day, day after day.

Our choices are our best friend or our greatest enemy.

Everything in your life exists because you first made a choice about something. Each choice started a behaviour. Over time, if you continued that behaviour then you created a habit. Habits control your life.

So what are the choices that you are making in your business?

What are the choices you will make today?

Will you choose to make 5 calls, 10 calls, 20 calls, 40 calls, 0 calls?

Will you choose to complain if you have a party that doesn’t go exactly how you want or will you choose to dig in and ask yourself how your next party will be great?

Will you choose to watch TV tonight after the kids go to bed, or will you choose to put in that extra effort, burn a little midnight oil to make your business great?

Will you choose to learn a new skill? What skill? Or will you choose to do the same things that you have always done, even if you aren’t getting the results you want?

What will you choose?

By not choosing anything you are making a choice – you are making a choice not to choose! You have chosen to be a passive receiver of whatever comes. You have chosen to be part of someone else’s dream, instead of your own.

Every part of your life, in every way, is determined by the choices that you make.

Choose wisely! Choose the path of resistance. Things don’t come easy, and good things are never free. You make your choices, and then, your choices make you!

Vision boards and other visualization tools are great. Repetition can build desire. When you see your vision board, repeatedly, you are reminded of what your goals are.   You are reminded of just what you want.  This gets you excited and motivated.

If you are consistent with your visualization efforts then eventually you will get good at actually seeing yourself accomplish your goals.

Once you start doing this then you will have even more motivation, and more importantly, you will actually start to believe that you can accomplish your goals. Belief is the key to actually pulling it off.

Once you start to believe that you will accomplish it (once you believe that it is a certainty) then you will start to feel the feelings associated with accomplishing this goal.

Once you start doing feeling then you will experience a tremendous pull towards your goal.

Here is an observation that I have however, in doing coaching work, that I have noticed when it comes to people using vision boards to drive emotional pull:

Their vision board is located in one place in their house, and they will often go days without looking at it, focusing on it, visualizing the successful accomplishment of the things that are on there, and feeling the emotions associated with accomplishing them.

Basically the vision boards turn into nice posters, pieces of art, if you will.

What is the point of that?

If you are going to make one, then don’t miss out on its power.

Making a vision board is not just a feel good exercise (for when you make the board).

It can be a tremendous catalyst for change in your life if you experience (see and feel) the successful accomplishment of your images and you condition it consistently through habit. You will wake up each day with tremendous energy and go to bed full of ideas.

You won’t get that power from your vision board, or goal statement, if it just sits somewhere like a piece of art collecting dust.

Here is a better strategy that I have learned – and I do with myself. It is called the “card technique”.

I take 5 or 6 small blank pieces of paper the size of business cards.

On the cards I write a one or two word reminder, “a word picture”, of what I want for each of my 3-4 top goals.

For example I will write one or two words that remind me of a business (or any other) goal that I have set. Just one or two words for that goal that have the effect of bringing to life an image.

I then do another word picture for the other goals I have, so that each card will end up with 3 or 4 simple word pictures on it. I then make 5 or 6 identical cards and tape them everywhere. On my laptop. On my bathroom mirror. In my car. On my desktop computer.

So basically wherever I go during the day I am constantly seeing what I want by just reading a one or two word reminder. But I don’t have to go to my vision board. I keep my vision board with me, wherever I go. But I allow my mind to make the image. The words remind me of what I want. My mind makes the images. There – that is my vision board. It is with me everywhere.

Do that for 100 days in a row and watch the awesome motivational power that you’ll have. It is incredible. You will see your images so much, so often, you will believe they are possible and you will take action like you never have before.

Try it even for a week and see the change!

What are the most powerful words?

Most of the time we operate from a position of:

“I’d like to”; or

“It would be nice if”; or

“I want”,

However, there is a completely different mentality, a much more empowering and powerful mindset, when you operate from the position of “I will”. The words “I will” are the most powerful words we can use.

The moments in my life where I felt the greatest level of personal power have been those moments where I experienced absolute certainty. They were the moments that I knew that I would accomplish something specific.  I knew something was going to happen, and I was willing to do whatever it took, no matter what, to make it come about.

Something happens to a person when they pass a threshold point, where they no longer wish, desire, hope, want or even dream, but rather they move to a position of absolute certainty that they will obtain a given result. They move from desire to absolute belief.

This state, in my opinion, is the most empowered state that a person can reach - a state of absolute certainty that a particular result will occur.

It all begins with a thought that is generated in your mind – a thought about something that is desirable to you. In many cases we don’t believe that the thoughts that we have will actually come about. We may dream of our business being a certain way, or our life looking a certain way, but we don’t really believe it. We don’t really think that it will happen. So we let the thought go, it passes, and we continue on with the day to day of our life.

However, every once in while, we will get a thought that we embrace as a real belief that will come into reality. We move that thought away from a “wish” to a “certainty” in that we tell ourselves that it will occur. A perfect example is the person who at some point looks in the mirror and they don’t like what they see (physically) so they decide right there to change it, and they do. All of us know people who have that story.

Think about a time in your life where you made a real change, or took real action in a certain direction. There was a moment of certainty where you actually believed that a given result was in your power, and you knew that you would do whatever it took to bring it about. The thoughts of discouragement, fear, or even the time that it would take to bring about the result weren’t on your mind. You knew that you would get the result, no matter what.

Meghann and I felt this way in the summer of 2010 when we sat on the beach on the Big Island of Hawaii and wrote down our goals for what we were going to accomplish in our Scentsy business. We just knew that we would be successful at this. It wasn’t a hope. It wasn’t a wish. It wasn’t even a desire. We just knew that we would do it.  It was pure belief. It was absolute certainty.

Absolute belief translates into reality. There is magic in this. We have been able to build our business because we knew in our minds that we would. A thought crossed our mind, which was embraced. It was not embraced as a wish. It was embraced as a certainty, and that certainty has now been turned into reality for us.

The exciting thing is that you can train your mind so that you live with certainty all the time. When you start out small, and build on your belief then you are able to take on larger goals, and know with certainty that you will achieve them.

So start with something small. What is something that you could do for yourself or your business? Something that is totally within your control?

Think about that in your mind. Then do it. Absolutely follow through. You will engage the process of turning thoughts into reality because what you follow through on began with just a thought. Once you have completed this once, do it again.

Do it again, and again, and again, so that it becomes part of you. Once this pattern is conditioned inside of you, you will find yourself thinking larger thoughts and knowing with certainty that you will achieve them because you have conditioned this pattern of belief in your mind.

It all starts with a thought, and then the thought backed by the most powerful words “I will”.

I recently started weightlifting. I have never done this in my entire life before. I was inspired by a friend who had made dramatic changes to his body. It’s been about six weeks, and I have been consistent six days a week, without fail.

A few observations in this new little life experiment:

1. I absolutely love how I feel when I lift. It is funny that I spent thirty-three years of my life not feeling this way. I consistently exercised, but it was only ever cardio. My willingness to experiment and try something new has led to an incredible discovery of something that I truly enjoy.

2. I love the feeling of small incremental growth. It feels great to be able to lift more than I did the week before. I don’t really care what the other guys in the gym are lifting. That isn’t my concern. I get in my own zone and it feels great.

3. There is only one way to lift the weight. There are no shortcuts. I can’t will my way to lift more weight than my muscle strength will allow. I can’t wish, or hope for anything other than what I can do. The sheer “weight” brings reality to awareness really quick. If I want to be strong, if I want to build my body, there are absolutely no shortcuts.

Your business is exactly the same way. The more you engage in it, the better you will feel about it. As you see small growth that growth will make you feel great. You will get in your own zone, realize you are on your own path, and focus on your own unique goals.

Exactly like the reality of the weight, there is also the reality that there are no shortcuts for you to build your business. Wishing and hoping will ignite your desire and your passion, but it is your feet that must get moving to build your business. There are no shortcuts. Just like there are no shortcuts for me to lift additional weight. I have to put in the hard time. I have to be consistent, every single day, and if I do then I will get stronger and stronger, slowly.

Your business is exactly the same. If you are consistent, day by day by day, it will grow. You will see that growth. You will feel great, but you can’t build it by only putting in a little action, on inconsistent time frames. You have to be consistent.

There is only one way to lift the weight.

Have you ever had this experience:

You don’t see someone for a very long time, and when you do, they have changed their appearance in a very positive way. But that change is very noticeable – such that one of the first things that you say to them is “wow, you look great!”.

We can see great changes from a distance. They are immediately visible to us because our frame of reference for the individual is based on a different image.  However, to the person who is undertaking the change, the results aren’t visible immediately. They are the product of many, many small and consistent actions that are applied over time to create great results.

When a person who is changing themselves looks at their growth, day by day, the results aren’t immediately visible . The change is noticeable when they look at the results, after a period of consistent action, from what they were like when they started to what they are like at the end.

But what drives the change are small, consistent actions applied over time. Habits, therefore, can have the most powerful effect over our life, and the changes we want, than anything else.

Our businesses are exactly the same. You don’t often see immediate results from the day to day actions that you consistently take. However, when you carry forward these actions every day over a long period of time then growth is noticeable to people whose frame of reference is what your business looked like at the very beginning.

This is the principle of the Compound Effect – the reaping of huge rewards from a series of small, smart choices that are consistently made (and built into habits). Even though the results are massive (when looking back from the beginning), the steps, in the moment, don’t feel significant.

In your business, doing the little things may not feel significant in the moment, and they may not yield immediate results in the day.  However, if you consistently apply these actions.  If you do them every single day for a significant period of time then you will see massive results.

So what little positive actions in your business can you start doing every single day? Keep at it and reap the compounding rewards.

This guy is fascinating!

http://www.bulletproofexec.com/

I visited my nine year old daughter’s school recently and was amazed by the technological advancements that are present in today’s classrooms.  Nothing like my elementary experience – her classroom was filled with laptops, smart boards, interactive computer assisted devices and gadgets.  Something that I couldn’t even imagine when I was nine.  I can recall with excitement the day I saw my first Atari game console.  I used to get so excited to go to my cousin’s house because he had a Commodore 64.  Things have changed dramatically since then, but in many ways they are exactly the same.

The way students are taught is still the same.  There is the stick (although these days not as much a literal one) which is generally manifest in detentions or punishments for disobedience, poor marks, failing grades for the “wrong answers” and the requisite parent teacher interview to discuss the child’s progress relative to her peers.  There is also the ever present carrot – rewards for good behaviour, good marks and positive endorsements for the “right answers”.  Generally a well behaved child may even be fortunate enough to earn a positive “label” such as smart, gifted, talented or advanced.  A poorly behaved child, particularly one who is adept at giving wrongs answers, will also earn a “label” of a different, and far more troubling kind given the phenomenon of the Pygmalion Effect.

In the most formative years of our life we are behaviourally conditioned to seek the right answers, get praise from people who are in a position to give it, and avoid inconsistency or disruption at all costs.  Failure is terrifying.  We are led to believe that failure brings with it social isolation, a lack of opportunities in life, a path of uncertainty that few would voluntarily trod.  Our pattern of socially conditioned decision making causes many of the best and the brightest of today to seek career opportunities where security and prestige (the carrots in elementary school) are the defining rewards.

There is a reason that this model perpetuates.  It is the industrial revolution factory model of education and career advancement.  There are plenty of factory vacancies out there in the world that need to be filled.  Those who run the factories in our society (the power structures) need model obedient factory workers. We are conditioned to be model and obedient from the time we are children with the carrot and the stick.  We are also conditioned to believe that there are certain avenues in life that are relatively risk free – that if we attain certain status positions for example, that we really won’t have to deal with the twins terrors of risk and failure.  Our position in the factory system will be secure, we will be able to live out the duration of our lives in peace and pleasure.

I had a conversation with a professional recently that left me saddened.  It was very clear that this individual’s heart was not in their current profession.  They wanted to pursue an entrepreneurial path however they were concerned about the risks inherent in this type of engagement.  I inquired what was keeping them in their current position – it was clearly not the day to day satisfaction of what they were doing (as they really didn’t enjoy it at all).  It wasn’t necessarily the money (despite making great money the individual wasn’t really that worldly).  On further inquiry it was the issue of risk and the possibility of failure.  This individual saw their current path as secure, and one where a base professional competency would allow them to never have to deal with failure.

I asked this individual why they thought their path was secure.  Their answer was because they felt they had met the base level of competency for their profession and the odds of making a material, catastrophic, career impacting error was minimal at this point.  My next question got them thinking however.  I said well what is the purpose of work?  They had a little more trouble with this one.  Their answer was part altruistic (provide value to society) and part temporal (save for retirement, legacy build for family, material comforts and possessions).  The altruistic motivation was less convincing when I asked the follow up question of whether this current profession was the best way that this individual, as an individual, could add value to society (their answer was no).  So they were left with a base primary motivation as saving for retirement, legacy building, and the acquisition of material comforts and possessions.

So then I asked – how do you not see the risk in your position?  I find your premise terribly risky!  You are foregoing the best 30 years of your life in terms of energy and the ability to contribute to others, on the gamble that you actually live until you are 65, and at that time have the health, desire and ability to actually pursue other things.  Plus it is very likely at that point that you will not have the ability to pursue your entrepreneurial aspirations, so you are further risking the premise that you will actually be content with a typical “retiree’s” lifestyle (for the record one that I have zero interest in).  Your path is just as risky, if not more risky, in my eyes than my path – moving away from a traditional,  more secure, track to an less traditional, less secure track, so that I can experience fulfillment and engagement in the present moment.

There was more to our conversation however – a part that was unstated, but rang more prominent than anything that was said.  The real issue wasn’t risk.  It was the possibility of failure – and worst of all – public failure.

Why are we conditioned so efficiently to be terrified of failure?

If I take a scientific method to my life, isn’t failure not only helpful, but also absolutely necessary.  I start with the premise that I want to accomplish X objective.  Yet I don’t know the exact path to accomplish X objective.  Therefore, I seek input from others who have knowledge of X objective (and how to obtain it).  However, I soon find out that despite their input and knowledge, the path is one that ultimately I must discover on my own.  In order to discover the path I must gain knowledge and experience, and the best way to do that is to fail.  Fail and learn. Fail and grow.  Learn from mistakes.  Gain good judgement from making bad decisions.  Really then there is no such thing as failure. There are only results.  This is a scientific process.  If I don’t get the result that I want then I just change my approach.  I continue to change my approach until I get the result that I want.

Why are we so scared of this process?  Why do we condition our kids to be so terrified of failure?  Isn’t failure the only way that we can ultimately grow?

A primary reason that we avoid failure at all costs is that we really don’t like criticism.  Criticism makes us feel alone, isolated from the pack.  When we are alone we are in danger.  We don’t have the protection of the group.  Right?

However, some of the most fantastic advancements in our world have been the product of trial and error – or in other words “failure”.

Kathryn Schulz, author of Being Wrong: Adventures in the Margin of Error  said,  “Of all the things we are wrong about, this idea of error might well top the list”. “It is our meta-mistake: We are wrong about what it means to be wrong. Far from being a sign of intellectual inferiority, the capacity to err is crucial to human cognition.”

“Failure and defeat are life’s greatest teachers [but] sadly, most people, and particularly conservative corporate cultures, don’t want to go there,” says Ralph Heath, author of Celebrating Failure: The Power of Taking Risks, Making Mistakes and Thinking Big. “Instead they choose to play it safe, to fly below the radar, repeating the same safe choices over and over again. They operate under the belief that if they make no waves, they attract no attention; no one will yell at them for failing because they generally never attempt anything great at which they could possibly fail (or succeed).”

In my opinion the biggest reason that people are terrified of failure is that they haven’t engaged the first step in the scientific method – they have no idea what they actually want.  They don’t even know what they are looking for.  They have no clue what the objective is.  They see the objective in general terms and it usually deals with a base level of material comforts, social position, and community significance.  So they cling to the institutions that they think will best provide these.  The problem is that these institutions rarely provide them with fulfillment.

The simple answer – determine exactly what you want with clarity and then pursue it using a scientific method.  Trial and error, and failure, being a necessary and valuable part of the process, until your desire is obtained.

Failure can be a virtue.

I am what you could call a “reformed achiever”.

Let me tell you how I used to be.  You are probably familiar with people like this – driven, ambitious, sensitive.  Deep down rarely ever fully satisfied, and also deep down quite insecure.  Always needing external reinforcement, acknowledgment, significance to feel complete.  At an early age I started to equate love with achievement and significance. I don’t blame anyone for this association, it is what it is.  However it did crystallize into a major subconscious belief system when I was very young.

In elementary school, I skipped grade five. This was not my choice, although at the time I did not resist. I can recall feeling both a sense of anxiety, but also accomplishment, when I was pulled into my elementary school principal’s office, at the end of my grade four school year, and told of the administration’s decision. I was scared of how my peers would treat me. I was scared that my grade four classmates would think that I believed I was “too good for them” and that the grade six kids would ostracize me as a “know it all”.

In many respects both fears materialized. My proclivity towards acknowledgment based achievement was not diminished by my fears or the circumstances of the time. If anything my insecurity, and my need for significance, grew stronger because of my feelings of solitude, as a result my ambition and my need to receive other’s positive acknowledgment grew stronger also. I used fear and pain to drive me. I excelled at pretty much everything I did – constantly seeking acknowledgment from leaders, teachers, coaches, my parents. Each time I received praise, won an award, achieved a goal, the acknowledgment I received, both internally and externally, numbed the pain of insecurity.

My proclivity towards acknowledgement based achievement continued throughout high school, where I was an athlete and honours student, and into college where I excelled in my studies, and further into law school where I graduated with honours. Frankly I had no interest in going to law school or becoming a lawyer.  At the time, I pursued law because I thought it was prestigious, it would provide a good income stream for my family (I already had children at the time) and because I thought my father wanted me to pursue this field of study. My heart was in the intersect of psychology to leadership and business.  I wanted to be a business coach or a consultant. I wanted to help people find success and build successful lives and businesses.  I didn’t follow my heart. I followed my insecurities.

My first job out of law school was with one of the most prestigious, demanding, and highly paid firms in the country. I was doing securities law and mergers and acquisitions (which as a junior meant reading stacks of documents in solitary each day, or editing for grammar and non-substantive content, long contracts or other legal documents).  It was at this job that I started to notice cracks in my behaviour paradigm. In this environment, my habit (or addiction as it was) of seeking positive acknowledgment and trying to please others was difficult to maintain, and it was also creating emotional deficits in my life.

My enthusiasm was generally met with indifference. The more I tried to please certain people I think the less they actually liked me.   Moreover, I started to realize that effort alone would not always yield the emotional results I sought. It was very hard not to take it personally when my work was critiqued.  Especially when that critique was a matter of subjective interpretation.  My life at the time was solely focused on trying to get people to positively acknowledge me and my work.  It was also a major contributor to a period of dark emotions.  I felt like my world was entirely out of my control.  My blackberry owned me.  I had little to no respite.  If I took time to refresh, made myself unavailable for the weekend to be with my family and small kids, I had to worry about other lawyers who would establish their dependability over mine.  It was the ultimate form of a zero sum game.  There were winners and losers with the other young lawyers.  Not all of us would continue with the firm,  very few of us would progress to partner.  There were winners and losers.

I would ride the train from Oakville to downtown Toronto each day and in the one-hour,  one-way, commute I would devour personal development and relationship building books. My thought was that if I could absolutely crack the code of success, if I could win over all the important people at the firm, then I would be able to find the happiness and fulfillment I was seeking. However, what I later discovered was that this was not the case. For family reasons we had to move from Toronto, so I changed jobs to another tier one international firm in Calgary and found the exact same pattern: 1) I was disinterested completely in law.  I found no satisfaction in the actual practice or study of it; and 2) I rarely, if ever, received the emotional feedback I was seeking from other lawyers at the firm, no matter how hard I tried, or despite whatever personal development or relationship building tactic I employed.

Nevertheless I continued to devour the books, all the time looking for a new title or idea that may hold the secret to my missing fulfillment. I literally read hundreds of books in the areas of personal development, success, leadership, and communication. I read the old gurus and the new. Everything I could get my hands on.  I eventually left the big firm and started my own firm, and the tendency to try to please to gain acknowledgment continued.

At my own firm I enjoyed the autonomy of being self-employed, but continued to struggle with the tendency to please, a real and increasingly growing dissatisfaction with the profession of law, and a continuing fear of messing up and receiving public disgrace. Here I was never truly happy or fulfilled, no matter how much money I was making. I was also plagued by the lingering thought that I was a father to three little ones (4, 6 and 9) who were monitoring my every step. I would often come home discontent, cranky, and full of negative emotions. I started to suffer from anxiety and depression. I would be temporarily placated by my financial success each month, but I knew that I was not being the example of emotional stability and happiness that I dearly wanted to provide to my children. I knew I had to figure this out, and find a way to find contentment and personal harmony.

Then I made a significant discovery. Shortly after Christmas of 2011 I began to search again. I didn’t however search in the personal development field but rather in the classics. I started to read Aristotle, Plato, Epicurus, Mill, Emerson, Ayn Rand, and then I discovered Thoreau and his book Walden. This was at once one of the most unusual books I had ever read.

Walden is Thoreau’s personal account of the 26 months he spent in self-prescribed solitary in a cabin he built with his own hands on Walden Pond in Massachusetts. Thoreau’s rejection of conventional societal norms was predicated on what I considered an absolutely fascinating foundation. Having discovered that success in entrepreneurial ventures required a study of how to make it worth men’s while to buy he at once decided that he would rather study how to avoid the necessity of selling. So he entered the woods in an attempt to be truly self-sufficient – to transact a form of private business if you will. He described it as literally an experiment in “living”. He wanted to see what it would be like to live on his own, away from society for an extended period of time. His philosophical underpinnings were based on the following statements:

Here is life, an experiment to a great extent untried by me (p. 10); and

We might try our lives by a thousand simple tests (p. 10).

His subsequent account was truly unique, engaging, inspiring, refreshing, and altogether different from just about any other book that I had previously read, particular in the personal development or philosophy genres. It detailed his experiences over those 26 months including his shelter, clothing, daily habits, sounds, and encounters with both animal and human visitors. He eventually left his residence on Walden Pond and stated as follows “I left the woods for as good as a reason as I went there. Perhaps it seemed to me that I had several more lives to live, and could not spare any more time for that one” (p. 259).

Many personal development books have parsed the following quotes from Walden to advance the notion of following your dreams or achieving worldly success (ie. money, fame, achievement):

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours (p. 260); and

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation (p. 9).

However, to attribute Thoreau’s Walden with conventional success literature is to materially misrepresent the essence of what the book it about. Walden is anti-success (as success is defined in worldly terms). In fact consider the following passages:

Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed, and in such desperate enterprises? If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. (p.261)

The life which men praise and regard as successful is but one kind. Why should we exaggerate any one kind at the expense of the others? (p.18)

Most men, even in this comparatively free country, through mere ignorance and mistake, are so occupied with the factitious cares and superfluously coarse labours of life that its finer fruits cannot be plucked by them (p. 7);

The book was an awakening to me, it was like a true epiphany, which although seemingly simple, I had not considered up until this point in my 32 years.

What if there was a different way?

What if the path to fulfillment was not the same as the path to success (conventionally defined)?

What if the “path to success” was what was actually leading to my unhappiness?

I realized that the “path to success” for me was really just the “path to positive acknowledgment from others” and that my continual desire to achieve, to be recognized, to feel significant was really because a craved that feeling.  I needed to feel that way.

But then I realized that I could get the feelings that I was wanting with a different strategy.

That strategy was to serve and to add value to others.

I realized that the primary driving motivator for almost all the actions in my life up until that point was selfish based.  I was wanting prestige, money, praise, acknowledgment and significant because I thought they would fill an internal void.  But they didn’t. No matter how much I achieved, no matter what I did.  It never felt like it was enough.  I was caught in a vortex of insecure driven achievement, and my hunger was never satisfied.  Each time I would climb a mountain I would see someone at a higher peak and this would make my mountain seem insignificant.  Each time I had a critique I felt my world crumble, like all that I had was dependant on the continue reinforcement of others.  I was on such a shaky foundation.

I found however, that when I truly sought other’s interest that my interests were actually met.  When I did something for someone else, not because of what it would do for me, not because of how that person could help me or endorse me in the future, then I became significant in the person’s eyes that I was serving.  This significance made me feel great.  I actually achieved the feeling that I was seeking.

The more that I did this the more general level of significance I felt. I also made the fantastic discover that I had the ability to genuinely help and serve others, every single day, in the direct sales side business that I was doing with my wife.  I have found so much enjoyment in serving in this manner that I am now pursuing this business full time.

I found what I was seeking by not actually directly seeking it.  I found that when I stopped trying to get significance in others eyes, but actually just tried to focus on adding value to others, real value, that I became significant in their eyes.  When I became significant in their eyes I felt significant myself.

So, for my own personal life, I am now living by a new model of success.  A different model of achievement. One that isn’t based on my title, my profession, or who I know. It is based on the real value that I am able to add to others.

I find it both humorous and disturbing to see the many form of networking, social media platforms and other “connectivity methods” in our world where people’s true motivation isn’t really to add value to others but rather to gain value from them.

I have been in so many “networking” events where the depth of our conversation was so shallow that discussion almost inevitably devolves into nothing but a simple discussion of current events, sports or the weather.

True connections are made when you add value to another.

True relationships are built when you add value to another.

Significance is most readily gained when you add value to others.

I feel that the emotional state of many people could be significant improved by incorporating this simple new model of achievement, a value based model:

1.  Each day ask yourself this  - how can I add value to others, independent of what I may receive in return.

2. Each day equate your self worth, and sense of accomplishment, by tallying the real value that you added to others.

As simple as this sounds, this is a very hard model to actually incorporate in our present day life.  Have you ever noticed what the number one question is (in my experience) that we ask each other when strangers first meet?

What do you do?

Instead, I wish that we asked each other – how do you add value?

There are two absolute dream killers when you are pursuing a goal:

Complaining

Blaming

You will never be successful if you blame something or someone for your lack of results. You have to acknowledge THE TRUTH. The Truth is that it is YOU who took action, or didn’t take action. It is YOU who got you to where you are now.

In order to complain about something or someone, you have to believe that something better exists. You have to have a reference point of something you prefer that you are not willing to take responsibility for creating. Anything in your business that you complain about is something that YOU CAN ACTUALLY CHANGE if you are willing to take the risk, and take the action to change it.

For example:

If you aren’t getting any recruits instead of complaining you can talk to more people about your business opportunity.

If your parties aren’t going the way you want them to go, you can take a hard inventory of yourself and find out how others are running their parties and see if there is anything that YOU should change in your strategy.

The circumstances that you complain about are, by their very nature, situations you can change, but you have CHOSEN not to take the risk and take the action.

If you want to get from where you are to where you want to be, of course you’re going to have to take that risk and take that action.

To have a powerful psychology, you need to take the position that you create or allow everything that happens to you. By create, I mean that you directly cause something to happen by your actions or your lack of actions.

You cannot be a victim and achieve your dreams at the same time. You cannot stand by passively and wait for things to happen. If you want your goals to come true you have to give up any Cs and Bs and MAKE IT HAPPEN!

There is a powerful impact on your life when you accept 100% responsibility for your business, your life, and what you are going to be and do.

Here is a little formula that I have learned that helps me to remember the power of personal responsibility in my life.

E + R = O

Event + Response = Outcome

So any time you don’t get exactly what you want, you have one of two choices:

1) You can blame the event (E) for your lack of results (O); or

2) You can instead simply change your responses (R) to the events (E) – the way things are – until you get the outcome that you want (O)

NUMBER TWO IS THE MORE EMPOWERING CHOICE

If you don’t get what you want, when you want it, then change your response (R). Change your thinking, change your communication, change the pictures you hold in your head (your images of yourself and the world) and change your behavior (the things you do). That is really what you have control over anyway!!

Life will pay you whatever price you ask of it.

The problem is that people often ask far below what they truly want because of fear. They are scared of being let down. They are scared of “getting their hopes up”. They are scared of doing the things that they have to in order to get what they truly want.

But it doesn’t change the fact that life will pay you whatever price you ask of it.

You want more home parties, you need to ask for more home parties.

You want more recruits, you need to ask more people to join.

You want to learn how to better market and grow your business, you need to ask people who have the knowledge and skill to give you these resources.

Life will pay whatever price you ask of it.

So here are some tips on the “Art of the Ask”

1) Ask specifically – clarity is power. The more specific we are when we ask the more likely we will get what we are asking for.

2) Ask someone who has the “ability” to say yes to what you are asking for (for example don’t ask someone who knows nothing about direct sales for advice on your direct sales business).

3) Create value for the person that you are asking (for example, if you are asking someone to join you have to show then why they will value from joining).

4) Ask with absolute certainty and focused believe that you will get it.

5) Ask UNTIL you get what you want.

Life will pay whatever price you ask of it.

You know you’ve found your WHY when you have an absolute burning desire to accomplish your goal. It should be something that triggers emotion in you. Once you have that then you start taking massive action without having to “talk yourself into it”. It’s almost like your body will go on autopilot and start to take action to do whatever it takes to get your goal. You don’t get discouraged as easily, you don’t give up as easily. Burning desire for something is critical for you to have.

Again, I can’t stress how important your WHY is. If your WHY is correctly aligned then you will have the burning desire.

Here is a quick exercise that I use to drive my burning desire for my goals. It is called “Closing the Gap”

1. Visualize in your mind what you want to accomplish and then FEEL the experience of actually accomplishing it (experience the emotions associated with you achieving this goal, ie. pride, pleasure, excitement, etc).

2. Pull back to where you are. Look at and identify the reality of today.

3. Snap back to where you want to go. Feel and see your WHY and your burning desire pulling you to take the actions that you need to accomplish your goal. Then see yourself again accomplishing the goal. Once you can see it in your mind then take the next step and experience the feelings associated with accomplishing your goal.

This little exercise, if you do it daily, will drive MASSIVE desire to accomplish your goal. Once you have this massive desire you will take action. Action will drive results.

When pursuing a goal we all know that actions lead to results. The trick is to get ourselves to take action consistently. There are so many things that can get us off track from taking effective action that move us closer to our goals. There is the obvious “daily tasks” in life that will often fill up our time. Also, there are the fear based inhibitors. Some of the most effective actions that you can take to move you closer to your goal will sometimes be the things that scare you.

I’ve talked a lot in the past about how important knowing your WHY is. Your WHY is the reason that you want to achieve a particular goal. The more clear and compelling your WHY, the more you will take action. If you aren’t taking action then it is likely that you don’t have a compelling enough WHY. If your WHY is absolutely compelling then you will take action no matter what.

Your WHY needs to evoke emotion. It needs to create emotional leverage. If your WHY isn’t doing that then you should revisit your WHY. The more emotional leverage you can create the stronger the force will be behind your actions. The more courage you’ll have, and the less discouragement and frustration will get you off course.

Sometimes one of the best ways to get leverage on yourself is to actually get ANGRY! Not angry at anybody, definitely not angry at yourself, but angry about the current circumstances that you don’t want anymore in your life. For example, some of the greatest action comes when people get so angry at their current setting that they are absolutely motivated to change it. They get so angry that they will do whatever it takes to change their circumstances.

I’m not saying become an angry person, far from that. I’m not saying take this emotion and internalize it so that you are negative to those around you, far from that. What I’m saying is that even anger can be a powerful tool if it is channeled correctly. When you get absolutely fed up with a certain circumstance you will do whatever it takes to change it. Sometimes anger is the only leverage that will work to get you to take action in the face of fear.

For example, you can sit and visualize your life on the beach all you want and it may not evoke the same type of passion as visualizing having to stay forever at a job that you hate. When you think about the reality that you cannot change your life, that you have to stay at a job you hate, that makes you angry. Once you get angry you are willing to fight to change it. Sometimes it takes fight to overcome fear.

So often I’ve encouraged team members to find what brings out the fight in them. If you are in a part time (or full time job) that you hate, and you want your business to provide a certain level of income so that you can leave that job, then one of the most effective ways to get you to work on your business is to place an image of your current job (ie. a corporate logo, etc) somewhere prominent where you can see it. Each time you see it it will evoke emotion. When emotion is evoked you will take more action. The more you take action the better your results will be over time.

Even anger can be a powerful positive force when it is channeled for good. Find your fight. Get leverage on yourself and you’ll be surprised at the passion that will come out!

Our internal rules are what govern whether we will feel happy or satisfied when seeking to accomplish something.

Let me explain what I mean – if you have an internal rule that says ______ must happen for me to be satisfied with my results, and then _______ doesn’t happen, then you get discouraged or frustrated.

Here is the secret through – YOUR RULES ARE CREATED BY YOU AND YOU ALONE

Therefore you need to make sure that in any goal setting activity you need to come up with rules that empower you.

Here is an example of a dis-empowering rule:

I have to accomplish my goal or I will not be happy

- this rule is dis-empowering because there may be factors outside of your control that will impact you. Also (as is the case with me often) you may set goals so high that they stretch you immensely but you don’t always accomplish them. However in my opinion setting a really high goal and getting close to it is better than setting a small goal and accomplishing it.

For example, under which circumstance should I be proudest (example relating to Scentsy sales):

- if I set a goal to get $2000 in PRV but I only get $1700

- or if I set a goal to get $500 PRV and get $1000

In my opinion the first one is the best because you got the best results.

However I see far too often people getting discouraged because they “didn’t reach their goal” when in reality they made great progress (greater than they would have made if they set a weak goal in the first place)

CAN YOU SEE THAT YOUR EMOTIONAL STATE IS OFTEN A MATTER OF YOUR OWN PSYCHOLOGY?

Here are empowering internal rules that you should incorporate into your business:

- I feel satisfaction if I gave my absolute best to a goal.

- It is ok for me to “fail”. I am like a kid, I’m experimenting with the world!

- What is most important is that I am stretching and growing. This is more important than whether I actually get my goal. Because the more I stretch and grow the better I can accomplish things in the future

- I feel satisfaction if I go outside of my comfort zone and overcome fear

CREATE INTERNAL RULES THAT SERVE YOU POSITIVELY. BUILD THIS INTO A HABIT AND YOU WILL SEE GREAT RESULTS OVER TIME.

Designing a life.  It’s much different than making a living.  Unfortunately most people focus on the latter (as I did for many years).  I feel that I’ve broken free of that mindset now, and each day I am working on bringing into existence my ideal life.

It wasn’t always that way.  Making a living used to be my primary focus, and I also believe that its central position was a driving factor in a lot of my stress and dissatisfaction.

What is the different between the two?

Making a living is the primary motivator for a good number of young people when choosing what to study in school.  It is a product of the industrial revolution.  Schools are mini factories that pump out workers who can be slotted somewhere in the assembly line of life.  You can obtain a skill set leading you to a profession – a doctor, a lawyer, a dentist, an engineer.  Alternatively you can learn some other skill (trades) that will allow for certainty of employment and certainty of income.  Liberal arts and other “fluffy” skill sets were generally discouraged by generations past because they wouldn’t equate into practical application.  That is, they couldn’t easily be parlayed into a job that would provide income stability and security.

Therefore, a great number of students chose educational paths not because of the fulfillment of what they would be doing, but because of the rewards (primarily income security) that the particular job would provide.  The media helped (and continues to help) feed this machine.  Every day we are reminded of how bad it is “out there”.  We are constantly reminded of the economic turmoil.  We are constantly reminded of the risk that exists in the “real world”.  This reminder crystallizes the fears that our youth have been socialized to believe. So they choose the path of safety rather than potential fulfillment.  So many students aren’t even aware of what they will be doing in their profession (in terms of day to day) before they enrol.  It doesn’t matter.  There is a time slot in the great factory of life that needs to be filled and the more protection for the factory worker the better.

It’s not this way with everyone.  There are those brave souls that have always forged their own path.  There are many people that choose paths of fulfillment, despite the inherent associated risks.  But I believe that these are not the majority.  They are a brave and inspiring minority.  The masses however merge into the life of the factory worker.  We all pile into our cars like a herd and “head to the factory of our existence” each morning when the morning horn sounds.  Then at 5 (or 6) when the bell rings to go home, we head back.  Day in day out the same process.  The factory of our life.

This was my life for many years.  I went to law school because the industrial wisdom influenced me that security should be my focus.  I never wanted to be a lawyer.  There was only one moment of clarity that I’ve ever had about what I wanted to do with my life.  That was when I was an LDS missionary.  I had the chance to meet the late Stephen R. Covey.  At the time I knew nothing about the Seven Habits franchise or the business development and self help industry at all.  I naively asked him what he did for a living.  He told me that he helped people to be successful and exercise personal leadership in their lives.  I clearly and distinctly remember thinking to myself, that is exactly what I want to do with my life.

I ignored that prompting and found one of the best factory slots I could find – law.  High paying, prestigious, but miserable.  For years I herded into the factory slot of my life. But I always held hope that there would be something better. I tried to fit in with the culture.  I definitely gave my best each day, but I always felt that was I was trading time for money.  Time was money.  Money ruled.  Money allowed me to go to my factory job in better clothes, but it didn’t change the fact that it was still a factory job.  I got tired of the trade.  I got tired of the factory.

Each day, no matter how discouraged or depressed I was,  I never forgot the conversation I had with Stephen Covey.  I dove into leadership and self development literature, and over time, with my wife we built a side business.  Now I am on the path of living the life I want to live.  I am designing a life, I’m no longer just earning a living.

The internet has changed everything in our life.

The industrial revolution is dead and it has been replaced by the intellectual and technological revolution.  This is a cause for great excitement in the world, but also significant disruption.  Every single day we can see people who resist the industrial model and embrace the intellectual model.  They find ways to make income that are untraditional.  To my parent’s generation this is highly disruptive.  It seems that their paradigms can’t reconcile this model.  To them there are only a couple of ways to make good money (if you aren’t in entertainment or professional sports) – you are a professional, or you build a traditional bricks and mortar business with employees, staff and the whole nine yards.

But that isn’t the way that the world works now.  Through the use of technology and the internet we’ve been able to build a significant business that is connected to North America and the UK.

The internet is driving an age of “lifestyle design”.  The rules that were so rock solid to our parents generation don’t apply anymore, and the more that the younger generations embrace the outdated model of our parents the more we will struggle with anxiety, depression and feeling that life is unfulfilling.   We have been given a gift where we have the ability to design our lives in an unprecedented way.  We don’t have to just accept a “making a living” life as a default.

The Art of Lifestyle Design – Where to Start?  Determine With Clarity What Is Important To You

You cannot design your ideal life without knowing what you value.  You have to determine with rock solid clarity what values are most important to you.

Here are my core values

Freedom

Contributing to others (helping them grow and find happiness)

Adventure

Family

Spirituality

Physical Fitness

Education

Communication  (writing and public speaking)

I have others, but those are my primary values.  I can see now so clearly why I was unhappy in law.  My three core values were not being met. In fact they were being fought against.  I never felt freedom.  The blackberry was a prisoner bracelet.  In order to progress (financially and generally speaking) I had to spend MORE time at the firm, which meant less time to do the things I wanted to do.  I did not feel that I was contributing to people or society in a meaningful way and there was very little adventure.  I was alienated from my family, because of the time I had to spend away from them.  My physical fitness suffered, as did my spirituality. I also never had the time to engage in my other values (writing and public speaking).  The most important part of being a lawyer – security – isn’t even one of my core values.

I am very happy in my current arrangement (building a direct sales company with my wife) because my core values are all being met.  I have absolute freedom (I’m sitting in a Starbucks on Tuesday afternoon as we speak).  I am building a business that I can run from anywhere, at any time and provide a substantial income for myself and my family.  I get a massive sense of contribution each day as I help the many independent business owners in our organization.  I feel a great sense of adventure in that each day is a new challenge.  I also now have the time to pursue personal adventures.  I work with my best friend and I have time for my family.  I also have time to keep myself in good shape and pursue my other loves (writing and public speaking).

You cannot design your ultimate life if you don’t know what you truly value.

Step Two – Create Your Perfect Outcome and Know Why You Want It 

It is very common for people to be scared of setting big goals.  They don’t like to engage in the hypothetical of actually articulating their “perfect outcome” Why is this?

I believe the primary reason is because we are scared of “getting our hopes up” and then being let down. This seems to be a very natural human reaction.

It is very natural to have a fear of failure. I believe that one of the primary reasons that we fear failure is because we don’t want to feel less significant than others. We intensely fear feeling inadequate because that feeling cuts directly to our feelings of self worth. When we feel inadequate, or less significant, we feel that “we are not enough”. This is a terribly immobilizing feeling. We also intensely fear the feeling of being alone, and “failure” when interpreted in a dis-empowering way gives us a feeling of being alone.

This is why many people do not ever engage in the creative exercise of “lifestyle design” or “dreamscaping” as I call it. They never really truly embrace the creative process of asking themselves the question “what would my life look like in the best case scenario?”. If they do engage in this process it is VERY common to censor their desire. If a desire pops in their head that seems unconventional, or “unrealistic” then it doesn’t come into their dreamscape. Again, we don’t want to feel that “we are not enough”, we don’t want to feel insignificant or inadequate if we fail. We don’t want to let ourselves down, so we are very reluctant to engage in any exercise where we “dream” for more.

As a result, most people focus on “making a living” rather than “designing a life”. We set impotent goals because deep down inside we have fear. We don’t believe in our ability to pull off the dream, and we are scared to test our own boundaries and fail because if we fail it will cut into our self worth and make us feel worse than we felt before we experimented with this “dreaming” business.

However when you do this you miss out on the incredible power of PULL in your life.

A clear and compelling vision for exactly what you want out of your life (no matter how ridiculous you think it may sound), has a tremendous PULLING influence on you. Dreams are a projection of the life we wish to lead. Therefore, when we allow them to “PULL’ us, our dreams unleash a creative force that can overpower all obstacles hindering the attainment of our objectives.

To unharness this power a dream must be vivid, clear and compelling. A fuzzy picture of what you want out of life has very little pull power. The better you define a dream, the better you describe it, the harder you will work on it, and the stronger IT PULLS YOU.

When you live in fear you never get to experience this creative PULL.

What My Perfect Outcome Looks Like – The Power of Precision

My perfect outcome is actually fairly simple:

1. I want to make $1,000,000 a year with our Scentsy business.  I came up with this number a couple months ago. I know it is cliche, but I don’t care.  It is symbolic to me.  I want to make this amount of money, with Meghann as my equal partner in this business as an annual income.  I want to make this amount of income because with this amount of income I will be able to do whatever I want in my life.  I don’t need to be worth tens or hundreds of millions of dollars.  I don’t care about that.  I love to travel, I love having nice cars and nice things.  I want my kids to be financially secure.  I want to be able to give liberally to my church and other charities.  Having this amount of money will allow me to adequately do all of this.  I don’t need more.  That is amount I want.  I don’t need to specifically state I want ____ type of car, or I want to live in ______ place.  The reality is that this may likely change over time (my exact preferences).  It’s all really irrelevant.  The important part is that I have the ability to do or purchase what I want, and I know that my wants will be met with this amount of money per year.  Here is the trick with many people.  They want to make “more” money but they never really know what is enough.  If you are chasing a vague goal, you are chasing no goal in my opinion.
2. I want to have a magical marriage and family relationship.  I want my wife to be my best friend.  I want to be the primary role model in my children’s eyes.  I need TIME to be able to do this effectively.
3. I want to be a published writer and professional speaker.  I want to influence for good many people.  I want to write books, articles and have a professional speaking career.  This is something that is important to me.
4. I want to have a physique like a UFC Middleweight (Chael Sonnen is a good type).  Don’t laugh.  I’m serious.  I am going to work on my body each day so that I feel fantastic and healthy.  This is something that is important to me.  I have every intention of taking daily action until I have the physique I want.

That is it.

If I have that I will have my ideal life.  Our Scentsy business meets my values in that it gives me ultimate freedom, I get to contribute each day to others.  Once I meet the income goal I will be able to experience the earthly things (travel, possessions, that I want).  It is critical that my family is magical.  I want to keep my body in excellent shape and I want to be a writer and speaker.

This is the crazy thing you realize when you engage in this exercise.  You can be satisfied.  It is amazing.  You also realize that you are satisfied with a lot less than you may initially think.

Once you have on paper what your ideal life looks like then you can start today to make a plan and take action.

That is the path to designing your ideal life.  You know your values, you determine with clarity exactly what you want, then you make a plan to take action.

When you live that way life is exciting and engaging.  Each day as you make progress to your ideal life you feel good about what is happening.  You don’t get caught in a rut, and best of all is that you have power to take action.  No one can stop you from taking action to get exactly what you want.  That is what life is about and that is what I intend to pursue

There is a famous quote by Warren Buffet that, although not intended for the direct sales industry, has a lot of application. He once said, when discussing why he generally doesn’t hire “financial advisers” to make investment decisions:

“Wall Street is the only place that people ride to in a Rolls Royce to get advice from those who take the subway.”

Now the quote may be a little pretentious (the guy’s worth $44B he can say what he wants), but there is a real gem of wisdom in it that applies to building your direct sales business.

Only trust people who can back what they are saying with real experience.One thing that invariably those in direct sales will encounter (if you haven’t already) is that when building your business, many people will be negative to you.

We’ve encountered it lots.  We saw it when Meg first started.  We saw it when she quit her job as a Social worker.  We saw it when I started spending a lot of time in the business and investing directly into it.  Finally we’ve seen it since I left my law job to do this full time.

But here is the thing – in literally every case the people who have been negative towards our business have one of the following characteristics:

1. They literally know nothing (in terms of first hand experience) about this business or the industry in general. They have never been in direct sales, they don’t know truly how it works and how the compensation plan works, other than hearsay from someone else. They only know indirectly, based on the paradigm of someone else; or
2. They have failed in direct sales in the past.

What is interesting however in number 2, is that, when I encounter a person like this I tend to push a little to find out what they ACTUALLY did in their business.  Whether they worked it every day.  If they worked it what strategies did they use?  What was the size of the downline?  What training programs did they create?  How did they communicate with their team (what forms, online meetings, in person meetings, by phone)? How often did they communicate with their team?  How did they use the internet and social media to grow their business?  And on and on and on.

Not surprising, what I find, is that they didn’t work EVERY SINGLE DAY on their business, and most of the other questions they can’t even answer.   They didn’t push past their fears. They weren’t innovative in their use of new technology and social media.  They didn’t dig in when the going got tough. They “tried” it for a bit, put in a half effort and then quit.

Trusting their advice is like trusting the financial adviser who takes the train.

I look to people for inspiration who have succeeded in this industry.  We are succeeding in this industry because we have modeled very successful Americans in our company.  We looked at the strategies that they used to build their business and we have done the same. It has taken time, investment, hard work, constant innovation and evaluation.  All of the skills that are needed in ANY form of business venture.

This post is intended for my benefit –  I’m not trying to convince anyone of anything.  These are my thoughts alone, but if you take the time to read it, whoever you are, I hope that you are inspired in some way.  If you are currently in direct sales, I hope that you are inspired to continue to build your business, no matter what challenges or obstacles come your way, no matter what anyone says, knowing that there are other people who believe in this business model, and who are willing to risk big to make their dreams a reality.  If you are the spouse, close family member or friend of someone who is pursuing a direct sales opportunity, I hope that you will suspend your “rational judgement” for that someone’s benefit, and support them in their desire, and realize that perhaps your “story” of “no one actually succeeds at this business” isn’t true.  Finally for those of you who may be desperate in your current employment circumstances I hope that this post will inspire you to realize that you do have choices, however you may need to adjust your perspective in order to fully recognize them.  I hope that you develop the courage, over time, to follow your heart.

Recently I made a big decision, one that I have been mulling over for quite some time, and one that I am finding is turning out to be fairly controversial with the people in my life who are supposedly “interested in my welfare”.  However, one that feels absolutely right.

I made the decision to leave my law practice (which over the last 4 years I have built from the ground up) to work full time with my wife Meghann at our direct sales business with Scentsy.  Almost three years ago we joined this company as independent business owners.  Our experience with the company has been tremendous.  We now make a significant income from our business and have grown our organization to over 1300 people.   Our business requires two people full time to run it, and I know that I am the best person to partner with my wife.

You’d think that despite these factors, building a “stay at home” business that rivals a lawyer’s salary, being able to live life on our terms, and contribute, in a real daily way, to over 1300 independent business owners who are working their best to get their businesses off the ground, that we (more specifically I) would receive encouragement and support from people close to us.  However this hasn’t been the case, at least for me.  The people within our organization have been excited and inspired by our announcement.  However, many people, outside of our organization, when I with excitement describe my career change, have responded with a highly predictable pause, followed by the obligatory raised eyebrow, followed shortly thereafter with the now entertaining statement “Oh”.  Most people will say, well what are you doing after that?  As don’t I know that any rational person wouldn’t actually entertain this as a long term objective? (no actually I don’t know that).

So why am I doing this?  There are really only two reasons.

1.  I wasn’t happy in my law career.  An even better description is that I was literally depressed on a constant basis doing law.  If I had to do my education all over again I would have done computer science as an undergrad and business in grad school.  However, hindsight is always 20 /20 and the past is the past.  I can only be grateful that I found my path in my early thirties, and for me that path is being an entrepreneur.  I found the legal profession to be wonderfully uninspiring and lacking in true role models (other than academics).  I found the generally accepted  business model to be internally competitive, not motivating, conflicting with my other core values (freedom and efficiency) and not innovative.  I found clients generally to be demanding and ungrateful.  I absolutely LOVED law school.  I had fantastic professors, who are good friends to this day, and I thrived in the intellectual environment, but the practice of law has not been the same way for me. Unfortunately the vast majority of my peers that I have discussed this topic with feel the same way that I do.  Many feel trapped.  Because of fortunate circumstances I have been able to get out, but I am 100% sure that many of my peers and contemporaries live what Thoreau describes as “lives of quiet desperation”.  There are very few that are excited and passionate about what they do.  There are many that would leave law if the path was lit, but they don’t know what to do, and perhaps they feel stuck (more on this to come).  I don’t know why it is this way.  I don’t know if it has to do with the nature of the billing model or the inherent stress in the profession.  However, I ABSOLUTELY KNOW, that there are many young lawyers who are really struggling emotionally to find meaning in their lives, especially when upwards of half of their available hours in a week are spent doing something they don’t love. I know this because many have told me so.  So as it stands, my law degree is now in a box in the basement, and I will work my butt off to keep it there (more on this to come).

2.  I love our Scentsy business, and this is why:  my main core values are freedom and contribution,  I get loads of both through our direct sales business.  I can work from home (or anywhere else I want), with my wife, on my timeline and make a substantial income. I love working with my wife as a business partner.  She has tremendous intelligence particularly emotionally.  She understands what motivates people.  She can connect like no one I have ever seen.  She was born to be a direct seller.  Every single day I get to train and teach independent business owners.  I get to contribute in a real way to their success.  I get to add value every single day, and every single day I get notes of gratitude and appreciation from members of our team.  I am in my element when I am training our team.  I was born to teach and lead.  This business gives me the opportunity to do both.  I have never been happier professionally than when I am fully engaged in this business.  I feel that I am most at peace when I am working at this business.  I work into the night, losing track of time, building training programs and systems for our team.  This NEVER happened in law.  I am motivated to overcome my fears, and push myself to the best that is in me, every single day in this business.  This business has not been a “get rich quick” thing by any stretch of the imagination (more to come on that in a moment).  We have worked our butts of for almost three years to get to the point where I could leave my job to do this full time.  We have had to face fears, expand our comfort zone and learn new skills over and over and over.  But through all of it we have felt fulfilled.  I love the quote from Howard Roark in one of my favourite books of all time Ayn Rand’s “The Fountainhead” when he says why he chose to become an architect:  ”You see, I have, let’s say, sixty years to live.  Most of that time will be spent working.  I’ve chosen the work I want to do.  If I find no joy in it, then I’m only condemning myself to sixty years of torture.”  I find joy in direct sales, and I am choosing to work in it.

I’ve often asked myself why people, particularly friends, family and loved ones hold back their encouragement for the people close to them who get motivated and join a direct sales company.  I believe I have a number of very valid reasons.

First, there have been way too many people who use lies to promote their business.  They make it seem like it is easier than it really is.  They get people to think that it is a quick path to freedom and riches.  This is a lie.  This is unfair to the legitimate people like Meghann and me who are choosing to do this the right way.  This is unfair to the many people on our team who are working their business each day.  This business takes heart, belief, dedication, passion, persistence and commitment.  AND THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO SUCCEED AT THIS BUSINESS.  However most people’s frame of reference is based on the limited exposure they’ve had to this industry – the person they knew who was entranced by the “quick path to riches” that was promised them, and then when it didn’t come 6-8 months later, get discouraged and quit.  Their experience taints the impression of those around them, and then when a friend or family member joins a different opportunity at a later date they are quick to “lovingly inform them” of the “real truth” of this industry.

The real truth about this industry is that it is the same as any other industry. The failure rates are the same as any other entrepreneurial venture.  There are people who make millions and there are people who fail.  There are people who take their business very seriously and work at it with discipline and dedication every day and over time are able to build something wonderful where they have financial freedom and tremendous relationships with their downline, and there are people who basically do nothing other than a few half hearted efforts, sporadically spaced, and then complain and blame others after 6 months when they aren’t millionaires.  This business is an expression of the law of the harvest.  What you sow you reap.  We are experiencing success because we’ve consistently sown for years.  Other members of our team are experiencing success because they work their business each day.  However many people we have signed up have quit over the years and many struggle because they fail to take action consistently.  They fail to work daily with passion and persistence.

So if your friend or loved one is involved in a direct sales company the best thing you could do for them is to BE REAL. But you need to understand that BEING REAL does not mean that you tell them “that no one actually succeeds and makes money at this”. That is a lie.  There are many people, including us, who are doing great at this business model.  BEING REAL means encouraging their dreams but helping them to understand, that like any other entrepreneurial venture, this business requires a ton of hard work, a ton of overcoming fear, a ton of persistence, a ton of patience, a ton of dedication.  But you can succeed at this business.  Please don’t be their dream killer.

Now shifting gears – to those that feel trapped or stuck in their current situation a couple of thoughts.  To be blunt, this is a story in your head.  You could change at any time, any day, if you could muster the courage.  Many of you won’t, here’s why not:

For one, you value far to much what people think of you.  You are absolutely conditioned to be terrified of criticism and failure.  You know what I said earlier about the law degree being in a box – well if I “fail” at this business and have to dig it out to pay my mortgage or feed my kids then I WILL BE A VISIBLE FAILURE and will be subject to the whisperings of those people who have never known failure (which is absolutely ridiculous, more on that to come).  Yes you are right all knowing pragmatist – IF I FAIL I FAIL VISIBLY.  But my rebut to you is from the words of Franklin Roosevelt:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

I would rather fail, knowing that I gave it my best shot, knowing that I gave my all to try to do something I wanted to do, than be a timid soul who doesn’t know victory or defeat.

People are often willing to experiment and “fail” on hobbies and private interests (ie. trying yoga for the first time, or taking a painting class) but on their career – no that is WAY TO VISIBLE.  They tie their sense of self-worth to their CV and their current job description.  It is critical for them to have “upward momentum” in their resume “just in case” their current job doesn’t work out.  They forfeit their happiness because they are living life “just in case”.  I did that for years.  The only reason I went into law in the first place was because I thought it was prestigious and I was insecure (lame) and because I didn’t know what else to do to feed my family (legitimate, more on that to come).  It is particularly hard for people who spent many years (and dollars) on their education, to just stop doing it.  They don’t understand the economic principle of “sunk costs”.  They feel like a failure if they disregard their previous decisions and go a different path.  Instead, I choose to follow Emerson’s edict that a “foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds”.  I am an amateur scientist.  I am like a child.  I do not know what something will be like until I try.  If I try and I don’t like it then there is nothing wrong with taking another path.

Emerson’s Essay on Self Reliance has been the source of my mental and emotional liberation from the chain’s of “what other’s think”.  It has been a beacon for me.  The pain of doing something every day that I hated eventually got so severe that I knew there was no choice but for me to change.  I embraced Emerson’s words that “my life is for itself, and not for a spectacle.  I much prefer that it should be of a lower strain, so it be genuine and equal, than that it should be glittering and unsteady.”

When it comes to feeding the family, I appreciate fulfilling these roles.  I will do WHATEVER IT TAKES to feed my family.  But honestly, for many people who live lives of quiet desperation we aren’t really dealing with issues of “feeding the family”. We are really dealing with the issue of having to maybe take a step down in the upward projection of your income so that you can arrange to make your life much more fulfilling.  This is a good trade if you ask me.  Why is today’s model the best model?  Why does it matter that we need a better car or a bigger (mortgaged) house to keep up.  I don’t want “property” to own me.  I value my life too much.  Why do place so much weight on buying stuff, to impress people, who don’t even matter?  It is crazy to me.  I love what Thoreau said on this topic “The life men praise and regard as successful is but one kind. Why should we exaggerate any one kind at the expense of others?”.

For many people who aren’t fulfilled they aren’t dealing with a “making ends meat” situation.  If you are then my advice (for what it’s worth) is take care of your business, and build your dreams on the side.  But for those who are hating their life, but doing it because of the fact that they can’t “make the same money elsewhere” I disagree with your analysis.  You will wake up 20 years from now, with loads of money, and a bunch of regrets.  Find the courage now and make that change.  I’m not saying to go join a direct sales company.  I’m saying value your life.  It is the only one that you will ever get.  Don’t trade it for some stupid physical possession.  It’s not worth it.  Trust your own heart, trust your own mind above all else, not what other people think or say.

So that is where it stands for me.  I wanted to do this post to clearly articulate to myself, my thoughts on the subject.  To my team, I look forward to giving you the best that I have every single day to help your business become successful.

I am a sucker for a good rags to riches story. I always have been.  I love seeing the underdog succeed.  I am absolutely inspired by stories of people who overcome big odds and silence the critics and doubters to achieve great things.  My favorite movie by a long short is Rocky (although Warrior is pretty good…) and yes I did cheer for Tim Tebow this year.

My love of the underdog, for those people who dream big, fight with all their hearts, and somehow overcome, motivates me to seek big goals and dreams of my own.  To this end I’ve read all of the standard “dream big” books (Magic of Thinking Big, Think and Grow Rich, everything Tony Robbins has ever written, among many others…).  I don’t know why I have such a fascination with this subject.  Perhaps it is because I am the grandson of a poor immigrant who fought his way to carve out a life of comfort for his family in a new country.  Whatever it is I’ve always wanted to have a victory story of my own, and I’m working every day to achieve that.

In 2011 I thought that it would be “dream big” year for me.  I took a different approach to my goals than I normally do.  I tried to focus on a “big 5″ – that is, only five goals (big goals) that would very meaningful to me if I achieved them.  Everything else in my life would be secondary to these large (and stretching) goals, and I would dedicate my focus and daily attention on them only.  These goals covered not just financial, but also relationships and contribution to others as well.

The general premise behind this idea is sound.  Focusing only on the big things that you want should, in theory, cause you to take concerted daily action toward these lofty ideals.  The acute focus on these goals will drive you, and the compelling nature of what you want should be enough to pull you forward when you encounter challenges or discouragement along the way.

At the end of 2011 I did an inventory of my year and the things I accomplished.  From all objective standards I had a great year.  I made more income than I ever had.  I helped build another business with my wife and established a consistent passive income stream for my family. I went on multiple exotic trips.  I had meaningful experiences with my wife and family.  I contributed to others in the community and specifically went out of my way to help others.

But I ended the year feeling somewhat disappointed.  This confused me, as my life had definitely progressed in positive ways in 2011.  In reviewing the year, and analyzing my feelings, I realized a couple of things:

• The goals I set were lofty and compelling.  However, they lacked definable clarity.  They were general in nature and better described as “ideals” which covered five areas of my life (fitness, family relationships, contribution to others, financial freedom and career achievement).  As a result, it was impossible to know “when”  or even “if” the goals were accomplished.
• Since the goals were not specific I never got to experience the “feeling” that is associated with accomplishing something (even though I was achieving results).  I realized that I had taken for granted how important this feeling actually was.  When I fully analyzed the year I also realized that there were many days were I was discouraged and although I had lofty ideals pulling me forward I rarely acknowledged the “small victories” along the way and I didn’t register the associated positive feelings with these small victories.
• I also realized that not acknowledging small victories caused me many times to experience self-doubt and fear when thinking about my ability to achieve my lofty ideals.  There were many times that I silently wondered whether my goals were too high, and whether I have what it takes to achieve them. Therefore it was hard to develop significant momentum throughout the year.
• Also, there were many days that I never really felt that I was making any progress at all toward my goals.  I would work hard each day, but since my goals were general in nature I had a very difficult time feeling any sense of progress.

This method of self-analysis resulted in a major discovery:  Progress and achievement, at least for some people, is influenced by individual emotional states as much as it is by knowledge, skill or concerted effort.  

I am a believer in big goals and big dreams.  I always will be – but for some people (I would say me included) a natural emotional state is to engage a healthy dose of subconscious self-doubt when it comes to our actual ability to take on the impossible and win.  There are many people who are exceptions to this.  They believe in themselves, no matter how daunting the obstacle may be.  Most self-help books profile these individuals in exhaustive detail.  But for those of us who experience fear and self-doubt we have a hard time identifying with these types.

I realized that  for those of us who fear and doubt it is critical to control the emotional game, and build momentum, when attempting to achieve a lofty goal.  As a result, when I sat down at the beginning of the year to plan out 2012 I took a new approach:

• I started out to write my massive goals (and they were lofty as always) but this year I made them specific and quantifiable (so that I would specifically know when and if I achieved them).
• I didn’t just stop at the big goals – I then let the pen go and I wrote specific quantifiable goals that would be necessary to achieve my massive goals.
• By the time I was done this I had written about 80 goals for the year.  To make it fun I added an additional 20 specific, quantifiable goals that would generally enhance my life (goals relating to travel, fun, music, exercise, contribution to others).
• I finished with 100 clearly defined specific goals – some massive, other quite small.  Since this exercise I have looked at this list everyday and as of today (January 21, 2012) I have accomplished 6 of them.

In the three short weeks since this exercise I am amazed at the distinction in how I am feeling.  A couple observations:

• The process of tracking these goals (and reviewing them everyday) has really engaged my mind to become clear about what I want.  I am more motivated to structure my time efficiently so that I am making daily progress.
• Each time I achieve a goal I take a yellow highlighter and cross it off the list.  I realized that I love this process. Each time I do this I experience a small victory.  This small victory makes me feel great.  It gives me confidence and it is highly addictive.  I want to cross off more and more of these.  I feel like a kid.
• I’ve managed to turn achievement into a game.  This is making it much more enjoyable.  Last year felt like a grind – constantly pushing forward to achieve my ideals.  So far this year feels like a game.  There is a huge emotional difference.
• Each time I achieve a goal my confidence grows.  As my confidence grows my momentum grows. As my momentum grows my belief in my ability to tackle the massive goals also grows and I am also more acutely engaged in my attempts.

I believe this will be a fun year of achievement and I am excited to report on the progress at the end of the year.  If it goes well (which I think it will) I may have stumbled on a method that will become the norm for me going forward.

So for those of you dreaming big here is my advice: Keep dreaming big.  The world is truly blessed by individuals who dream big and have the courage to take action on their dreams.  However, set up the game to win emotionally.  Set, track and acknowledge small victories.  These will give you momentum, confidence and enjoyment.

Here is a powerful concept that I learned from Tony Robbins and I use in my own personal life.  There are two forms of motivation:

1. PUSH MOTIVATION: This is willpower – where we are pushing forward to attain or achieve something. This is the type of motivation that easily leads to discouragement whenever obstacles present themselves in the path of achievement. This type of motivation is tenuous as best. Willpower alone is only as strong as the desire behind the willpower. With push motivation it is easy to question your original goal when things get hard, and you ask yourself, “why am I pushing so hard at this?”, “is this worth it?”
2. PULL MOTIVATION: This form of motivation is much more powerful than push motivation. This is where the thing that we want is so compelling and exciting and clear that it seems to pull us to it. Each of us has experienced pull motivation at sometime in our life. Pull motivation is where effort seems easy. Where we stay up late and get up early and never seem to need to “talk ourselves into working”. We want something so bad that it just seems to pull us to it. When we wake up in the morning we think about this compelling thing and it makes us excited to get to work. With pull motivation we never have to “convince ourselves” to work hard. We just do.

SO WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO: In order to have pull motivation you need REASONS.

The thing you want must be compelling. You need many reasons and strong enough reasons that the thing is so compelling that it pulls you to it.  If you find yourself in push motivation, not pull motivation, then you don’t have enough reasons for what you are trying to get, or the reasons aren’t strong enough.

If you paint an internal picture for yourself of how compelling and freeing and exciting the achievement of a goal will be you will experience pull motivation. Create the vision and make it so compelling that the vision will pull you to take the type and quantity of actions needed to achieve even your most difficult goals.

January 15th – how are you doing with your goals for the new year?

Here is some great advice for the new year from Tony Robbins.

Effort – sometimes it’s just that simple.

Between You and You….

I wouldn’t be anything without my family. Thank you Meg, Maci, Cohen and Seth.

Home is wherever we are if there’s love there to.

“The meaning of earthly existing lies, not as we have grown used to thinking, in prospering, but in the development of the soul” Alexander Solzhenitsyn

True leaders exhibit character.

Character is more than talk. You can never separate a leader’s character from their actions. Action is the true indicator of character.

Talent is a gift, but character is a choice.

We don’t choose where we were born, who are parents are, or the circumstances of our upbringing. But we do choose our character.

Each voluntary and conscious action we take shapes our character.

Character brings lasting success as a leader. As a leader, people must choose to follow you. As the old saying goes, if you think you’re leading, and no one is following you, then you’re only taking a walk.

Everyone is a leader, regardless of position or title.  Each and everyday we have opportunities to lead, to positively influence those around us.

Everyday leadership is servant leadership. All of us can serve others, and help others to grow, and in turn enrich our own life.

A servant leader incorporates powerful habits in their daily interactions to yield massive results.  Here are some thoughts on how to be a more effective servant leader:

1. Effective Listening: Do you understand exactly the needs of those you lead, and those you interact with?

2. Showing Appreciation: Focus your attention on what people do right. Tell them about it, both spontaneously and routinely.

3. Respect: Respect every individual you interact with.

4. Develop Others: Provide people with value.

5. Unleash: Everyone has incredible potential inside of them. An everyday leader helps others to see and unleash the value and potential that is within.